Enjoy the Hamburger, Don't Forget the Chips

This is not an LA morning, I thought silently when I woke up. Went to work praying, as I always do. I met an Armenian student who came from Krasnodar last week. Not a word in English, but you'll make it, son --I thought. He was good in Math, knew Geography, spoke a few words in Armenian--the rest was in Russian. You will make it, but please don't forget your kind, we can't afford that--I was thinking while helping him fill the papers at school.

After school I went somewhere. Had to do some business. Met an old friend there who returned from Armenia several days ago. He confessed "It is different, not the 80's any more, but I'd love to live there." A young lady in her 30's was eavesdropping to our conversation. It was evident she was willing to participate. "Wait until you live there, you'll run away like crazy," she said. Who is she. I asked. Don't mind her, she is a hot head, my friend replied. She was a recent immigrant, I thought. Educated, gorgeous facade--but where did this hatred come from? She does not speak English yet, is in the process of acculturation. Wait until it hits you in several years, I thought. Wait until you pass through the 4 stages of naturalization, and I will talk to you then. Never mind, I don't want to talk to you, it'd be a tremendous waste. Find out on your own how difficult it is to be uprooted, planted in a different setting that has all the necessary components to grow, yet something would still be missing. Wait until you are able to purchase a nice car, some decent furniture; I hope you learn English the way you speak Armenian --then you'll get a well paying job, because you are ambitious, strong. Sooner or later you will realize that it's not "vortegh hats, endegh kats," as wise as it sounds, but "babo, vorn e mer hayrenin?" Can't help imagining how your heart will tremble when you hear a duduk melody, how guilty you'll feel when your husband will raise the shot of cognac to drink for "Hayastan." You still have some excuses, you're a newcomer. I hope you will change your views, because if you don't, then please stay away from me. I consider myself a kind and understanding human being, but will unleash my fury when I hear the same reaction in a couple of years. Stop confusing the government with the "yergir," please! I will not argue with you today, and I am not your enemy either. We have the same origins regardless of the fact whether you come from Middle East or Europe, Australia or Kenya. You, just like me, ran away. I stopped, you are still running. I have realized many things I used to disregard. The sorrow and pain made me an artist, a songwriter. I create, and I hold the "hayrenik" in my heart. Every time I visit Armenia my love to the land becomes stronger. I cherish every second of the limited time I have in Yerevan. I miss my family and my friends in LA when I am in Armenia. I miss Armenia when I am in LA. It's a catch 22, I guess. I infuse my feelings into the child who is confused, acts out, rebells without understanding, that his state of mind is boiling because he does not have the answers to the question "why did we have to leave Armenia for LA, Paris, Burkina Faso?" Wait until your son asks you the killer question. Meanwhile, enjoy the hamburgers with soda, and don't forget the chips.