i am leaving tomorrow for one month. i have so many mixed emotions. i have become very attached to armenia and to my life here. in a sense, i am sad to leave during new years. it is such a special time here and is so nicely celebrated that i can hardly imagine being away from my home, arthur's neices, my office staff and my repatriate group of friends. i know it is just for a month, but looking out the window at snow covered Issahakian street, I am sad.

on the other hand, i miss my family in LA like crazy. i have not seen my brother in almost two years, i have not seen my grandmother in over a year. best friends, good friends, old neighbors... old friends. i am counting the hours to kiss grandma and sit in my living room catch up.

i am also excited to go back to la and see how it makes me feel. i am curious how i will be with all the armenians there that scream "ararateh mern eh" but still live in LA and drive fancy cars. i am curious to see how i will deal with people who ask... how is hayastan? and then don't really listen to the answer... or don't believe all the absolutely fabulous things i have to say (and there are so many)

on the other hand, i cannot wait to feed those people who love armenia and miss it. i cannot wait to pass out armenian tea and watch my friends and family cherish it... even though it is just tea.. and just because it is from hayastan. i cannot wait to talk to youth about living here and how it is ok... and not only ok, it is the best city i have ever lived in (prior experience includes LA, NYC, and Nice France)... I cannot wait to show my Grandma how happy I am, so that she knows that we may be losing spending time together... but she is gaining instead a very happy granddaughter who is living out her dreams.

wrapping up my office work, saying happy new years to all my closest, paying bills, packing and organizing is enough to drive me crazy. my friends realizing this came over last night for what ended up as a pizza and tea night was exactly what i needed to remind me what an amazing family of repatriates we have here and how sometimes i just need to sit and enjoy myself.

many of us came here alone. i was not with arthur when i arrived. most of us had just moved... no family here, nothing. we have become family... a very good family. we are very comfortable with eachother and are very honest and real. i believe that armenia brings good people here. i believe that our group is eclectic but real and very pure.

a reporter just came back with an article on arthur featured in the armenian soccer federation newspaper. she returned the original picture we had given her to print and after i read the article i placed arthur's picture on my windowsill. two of my favorite things... that my window looks out onto armenia and arthur. i am happy that tomorrow i will be flying to another one of my favorite things... my parents and loved ones.

in honor of my second favorite armenian singer (the great harout pamoukjian)...and if you do not know my first favorite armenian singer... i really do not know what to say. ...
anyways in honor of harout i am proud to announce that i have found myself (thanks to shantiig) a harout dinner dance to attend and i will be on the harout dancing marathon when i am in LA... this could not make me happier. all in one weekend, a harout dance, and the celebration of our marriage. woo hoo

my opinion on these recent logs should not matter as everyone has one and it seems that everyone is sharing and caring... but i do not like what is going on. i am scared we are losing our flavor. it is out of hand. it reminds me of chats ... you know i am just waiting for someone to come in and write BRITNEY SPEARS RULES and leave... i don't want that for us. i want a professional and nice forum for repatriates to share their experiences. i want those who enjoy the reading to read. i am sick of taking sides and fighting about what is positive and what is negative.

i do not write too many negative logs because i myself am a very positive person. i am also a doer. example... i found that children on the streets really disturbed me and so i became a friend of orran (www.orran.am)... NEGATIVE becomes POSITIVE in my head so fast (thinking of what i can do to make this world better) that it does not stay in me long enough for me to reach this computer screen. sometimes i write about what i have done. i seldom think of writing what i will do. i do not want to make myself a model. i am just explaining why i do not write the negative.

arthur tells me that he admires that i am so positive. i admire that in me. i love that i am a doer and that i have so much energy and that i spend it doing good things. i love that all the bad things are erased at the next beautiful flower i see. i feel i am a good person. i feel i am professional and curteous at work and i hope that people follow that lead. i feel i am a good communicator to waiters and that they also may gain something from me... if need be. that is all. i think i am a good example in many ways. not all ways. but enough to make me comfortable that i am doing my part... by being an example.

so i may sound... what is the word? haughty? hung up on myself? ok maybe a little... but that is not such a bad thing. if i set a standard of excellence... if i am telling all you people right now that i am fabulous... i guess i have to work really hard to make sure i live up to it. nothing wrong with that.

thanks for the forum. i will write from LA.