Yesterday went alone to see Ararat movie in Moscow at Rolan cinema. I went to an earlier one at 18:30 there were only 20 people sitting of whom 70% were Armenians ... At the same time I know that all tickets were sold for previous Saturday and Sunday. What can I say about the film? ... I'm still thunderstruck ... I felt like if I'm on the place of Raffi .... I went through his phsycological labirints and dilemmas ...(some of my views are different from his and I'm not Diasporan Armenian but at the same time I'm MARASHlyan!) ... a lot of things to think over ... film works as a shock-maschine stimulating people to thing over and over again of what they've seen, look though a multi-layer (in terms of time, contraversial feelings, etc) prism on past, present and future of themselves and their identificaton with their NATION! It's pitty that I can't explain what I feel in English, as well as Armenian. Russian is the language which is the most convinient for me and that's my tragedy ... still need to think it over! I will definitely see that film again and again, but missing certain parts ... as I will not be able to survive them again ... my fists were aching after the film and ... it will be too much of mazohism to look over again some of the films' episodes ... absence of cold brains and long-term view, feeling of one nation, confirmed by ideology together with a patologically black and white mythologized view on the world - are one of the major characteristis of our nation for many and many centuries. ... I will write more of my feelings later ... now I'm not ready to do that ... just will say that after the movie was over ... I went out to the street, walking in a cold rain with an open coat completely switched off from the surrounding for 15 minutes in Moscow darkness ... feeling deep pain and at the same time great strengh, energy and willingness to revenge in a clever way, believeing even more desperately that I have a special and very important meaning in my life ... but first of all ... I need to think over again on who I am and where we are now ...