My greatest appologies, Raffi, I have been a very bad logger...
My last log was right before I left Armenia in August. After that, I wanted to do a "return to the US" type of thing, but the strange part about it was that I couldn't figure out how I was feeling. Part of me was excited to be among family again, but obviously the rest was in resentment that I could not be in Armenia. Well, the excitement of being among family and friends faded, as I'm not really. The folks are down in DC, sister's in Jersey, brother's practicing medicine in New Orleans of all places. My friends in Boston seem to be happy that I'm back, but are too busy to ask me about it.
This isn't a pity log. This is a very bizarre "I don't know what to make of this" log. I'm at a place in life that is just not impressing me, and to have come from Armenia where the world was at my fingertips and the motivation was jumpstarting me out of bed every morning, life just seems a formality these days.
I went down to DC a few days ago to visit my mother for her birthday and she asked me if I wanted to go to the Embassy event to celebrate Armenian independence day. I had no desire and I think the reason is that I'm fed up with "making appearances." Since the moment I've been back, 90% of the phone calls and e-mails I received from friends were to either ask me to do a quick favor of designing something minimal for them or to tell me to go to an event. I speak the ugly truth when I say I'm tired of it. I don't want to go to every Armenian dance just because it's expected of me. I don't want to do little favors just because I know that no one else will do it. Ah, this is the life of the volunteer, I realize. But once I stepped over to Armenia where I can work with Armenians in real day-to-day business, the volunteer work that fills every minute of my day seems a little less attractive.
I say this not to discourage people from volunteering, but rather to raise the subject of why we are doing it. Are dances every other weekend REALLY a necessity. Is that REALLY progressing the state of Armenia or the diaspora in any way? Some may say it's what brings us together. But it just seems to be an overload, and when there are so many other important things that we could be focusing on, I don't care WHICH organization you belong to, it seems a waste to put so much energy into repeating the same events over and over again. It's time to reevaluate our focus on an individual level. Simply put, the repetition is what will make us irrelivant in the future. What else do we have to offer?
This log may sound really negative, but I assure that is not the intent. I'm just trying to remember that we are capable of doing better than this.
My last log was right before I left Armenia in August. After that, I wanted to do a "return to the US" type of thing, but the strange part about it was that I couldn't figure out how I was feeling. Part of me was excited to be among family again, but obviously the rest was in resentment that I could not be in Armenia. Well, the excitement of being among family and friends faded, as I'm not really. The folks are down in DC, sister's in Jersey, brother's practicing medicine in New Orleans of all places. My friends in Boston seem to be happy that I'm back, but are too busy to ask me about it.
This isn't a pity log. This is a very bizarre "I don't know what to make of this" log. I'm at a place in life that is just not impressing me, and to have come from Armenia where the world was at my fingertips and the motivation was jumpstarting me out of bed every morning, life just seems a formality these days.
I went down to DC a few days ago to visit my mother for her birthday and she asked me if I wanted to go to the Embassy event to celebrate Armenian independence day. I had no desire and I think the reason is that I'm fed up with "making appearances." Since the moment I've been back, 90% of the phone calls and e-mails I received from friends were to either ask me to do a quick favor of designing something minimal for them or to tell me to go to an event. I speak the ugly truth when I say I'm tired of it. I don't want to go to every Armenian dance just because it's expected of me. I don't want to do little favors just because I know that no one else will do it. Ah, this is the life of the volunteer, I realize. But once I stepped over to Armenia where I can work with Armenians in real day-to-day business, the volunteer work that fills every minute of my day seems a little less attractive.
I say this not to discourage people from volunteering, but rather to raise the subject of why we are doing it. Are dances every other weekend REALLY a necessity. Is that REALLY progressing the state of Armenia or the diaspora in any way? Some may say it's what brings us together. But it just seems to be an overload, and when there are so many other important things that we could be focusing on, I don't care WHICH organization you belong to, it seems a waste to put so much energy into repeating the same events over and over again. It's time to reevaluate our focus on an individual level. Simply put, the repetition is what will make us irrelivant in the future. What else do we have to offer?
This log may sound really negative, but I assure that is not the intent. I'm just trying to remember that we are capable of doing better than this.
posted by Arsineh at 12:10 AM
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